Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Oh look, here comes the loser brigade! (REVISED)

I am so terrible, but those were my thoughts as I logged into my "Dating Page" and was bombarded with IMs. I am so vain it kills me, but I just don't see myself dating Mr. Starwars. I'm also contemplating if not being attracted to someone because of race is considered racist, but I think I've already blogged about that.

Regardless, I am talking to two Asians and a dweeb--the three of them message me every single time I log on. They always ask me how I am and what I look for in a man. Great. Am I overthinking this? Why does it matter what I look for? I just feel when someone asks you that, it is just because they are trying to be something they are not. Smokescreens and mirrors to be shattered years into a marriage after 5 kids and a dog named Pete. I actually used this analogy on one of the guys, and he argued with me:
(loser 1): that not true
(me) haha well i am cynical and i beg to differ
(loser 1) well in ur profile states u want get married and have 3 kids
(me) I was just being sarcastic
(loser 1) so what ideal date?
What a compelling argument!! You can see why he'd be a winner.

Anyway, I told Loesr 1 I didn't want to give him my name because I worked in the schools and didn't want my info to get out. So, he proceeds to ask me how long I've been a single teacher. Realizing I had just over-shared and created some sicko-fantasy in this guy's mind, I informed him that I was, in fact, a janitor. I was going to tell him my ideal date was to go to an extravagant restaurant with fine dining and a cello player, to see if he'd deliver (not that I'd ever meet him). Not the way the conversation turned. He started guessing local districts where I might work. Again, the brain screams," BLOCK HIM! BLOCK HIM NOW!!"

Moving on to asian guy.
(asian guy) how's your luck been here
(me) don't know yet, i've been sort of reluctant to give it a full shot; i take it you haven't had much ?
(asian guy) huh? what do you mean
(me) i take it you havent had much luck on the site?
(asian guy) oh yeah. I think it's easier for girls here?
(self) ha, right (and I think--oh yeah, I remember this guy now. the pity party, poor me, poor men)
(asian guy) what are you looking for here btw ((I HATE THIS FRICKING QUESTION))
(me- continuing the argument) i found out guys actually get free memberships to some dating services because there are so many girls and not enough guys. can you believe that?
(asian guy) oh I think you getit wrong. it's actually the other way around
(me, being humble yet fact-delivering)i don't know, that is what i've been told by a guy with a free subscription to match.com
(asian guy) actually it's the girl in many case I guess
Compelling evidence, yet again. I can't argue with that. Now I'm a jerk. A big jerk. But I can't see myself with someone I'm not attracted to--especially if I can't stand talking to them. And I'm not talking about just a physical attraction, but an emotional and academic attraction too.

EXAMPLE: (Emotional attraction) when a guy tells you that he'd kill his parents if he had the chance, it sorta screams BLOCK HIM NOW!!!

EXAMPLE: (Academic attraction) The whole idiot-grammar thing really irritates the hell out of me. Not saying I'm perfect* I'm just saying I'm well-versed.

So maybe I'm picky, but I'm holding out for the full package. I have high standards now, thanks to my cousins. Homemakerman and even Mr. Jerk. Yep. That's right. You guys did me in. I cannot lower my expectations. I want a nice guy who can cook, clean, and spell. And so I continue to wonder who the first guy to break my heart will be.... I guess I keep thinking that if I study the game and learn the system it will help, but I sometimes wonder if I'm just prolonging the inevitable. Like everyone says, love is unpredictable.

Anyway, for now, tormenting these guys seems fun. One now, and for whatever reason, thinks I work for the FBI. I seriously don't know where this came from.

Edit: Yeah, that was pretty bad; actually I was missing two or three whole sentences. I think it's polished now. HaHa!