Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I bought perfume.

I think it is a big step for me, you know? Like a life changing experience.

Seriously, though, a lady at work sells Avon, and I recently bought perfume. Two bottles, actually. Go me!

I was sitting at my table flipping through the catalog when I discovered the "scratch and sniff" page. O0oh-La-La! Despite mockery by my student, I flipped and smelled each available fragrance until I found one that I really liked. "Windscape." It was advertised by a pretty lady in a blue dress, surrounded by a blue background--light and happy. Serene. Beautiful. Damn advertising.

The other scent I liked was for a guy, so I was happy to get away with an order under $30. Then, I found "Sassy." I liked Sassy too, though it smelled quite similar to Windscape. And it was on sale! Only $8!! Wow!! I am my father's daughter! I wound up buying that too.

Anyway, it was a very riveting thing for me. The only perfume I have is from my mother. She bought me a set for Christmas once, and I haven't worn it. 1) Because I work in a school and that would just be weird (and more than likely against school policy) 2) Because I have no social life or need to smell good. 3) I think it all smells gross!!!

But not this stuff; this stuff was pleasant. So I bought it with the wonderful fantasy of having a date sometime. That is part two of my plan: finding a date.

Bought my mom some eye-pencil sharpeners, because I think I broke her last one with a colored pencil.... Maybe it had been a crayon, I can't quite remember. I also bought some cute bath-paint-soap for my niece. Her birthday is coming, and I thought it would be awesome if she could paint her brother. Plus the scents were awesome! Coconut, Bubblegum, and Cotton Candy? Who wouldn't want to smell like food? And be painted on? Seriously?

Anyway, I get the order yesterday, and my sister reads the warning label. Leave it to her. (Granted, I thought about whether or not her parents would like putting "chemicals" on their kids, but it's Avon so it's got to be good, right?) Well, after the huge list of disclaimers, it alerts us that it is flammable and to keep kids away from fire. Which makes me wonder, what idiot started a fire in his bathtub to discover that this product was harmful in this way? Really? Isn't a bath at the opposite end of camp fires, grills, and... oh, candles I guess? For couples who want to have a nice, romantic night painting each other? That makes sense... I guess.... Moving on....

Further research (from amazon.com) also states that the product has given at least 2 people hives. What a great auntie I am!

Monday, February 15, 2010

My Dog Eats Raw Venison and His Cousin Licks Kitty Litter

So, yes. The above title is true--and all discovered this weekend when my cousins came for a visit...

Where to start? So much to say... I just don't know.

I guess the title is a great start. My dog --an 11 year old English Springer Spaniel-- eats raw venison. Literally. Bloody, nasty, guts and all, deer meat. Isn't that gross? Well, I can assure you that thought is not nearly as gross as actually catching him in the act-- and finding his white snout red with the obvious. GROSS!!

The deer washed ashore at least a day before my dog found it. It was Saturday when my mom woke me up to tell me that our 3 bald eagles were down by the beach. We didn't think much about it, as they have been seen hunting in the area on occasion. The last thing we suspected was them out scavenging deer parts yards from our front door. Anyway, later that day, after getting back from a walk with my dog, I noticed the carcass.

It was gross, but the eagle sighting made sense. It was still very disturbing, though. There was a huge hole in its gut and it's eyeballs were missing. Guts splayed out on the frozen ice. If that isn't bad enough, the next day, after all this, and after finding my dog and 2 of his buddies "digging in" the next day, we realized someone (or, actually some"thing") had run off with one of the poor thing's leg.

The whole thing is just gross, and we cannot get rid of it. We've called the game warden, the sheriff, and just about anyone else who is available over the weekend. No one wants to remove the deceased--except my mom. She wants to just bury it in the backyard, but I won't let her. I don't want her touching that thing. I don't want my dog touching it; I don't want her touching it. I just want animal control..

On a lighter note, his cousin, a 4 year old boxer, licks kitty litter. We discovered this when we crated her up for a day trip. How does a boxer eat kitty litter while crated? Long story, but the crate she was crated in was actually purchased for my cat. (Yes, I bought a large-breed dog crate for my cat--deal with it.) Unfortunately, my cat has an attitude problem, and when she gets angry with me she pees on things. In a desperate effort to keep my little, obnoxious, "brat-cat," I bought her a giant crate to create a condo. The idea was to crate her when we left the house--we constructed a resort for her to play in--complete with scratch post, food, drink, bed, and, of course, litterbox. Unfortunately, yet again, this doesn't work. When crated, she digs a hole in the center of the litterbox--spilling litter everywhere--and rests Moses-style in the center of the green box.

While the kitty condo is what kids today call an "Epic Fail," the idea behind it is great. It's a neat little place for the girls to do their business, and so it remains in the corner of my bedroom as an "accident deterrent." Where one litterbox fails the second seems to help--and now that you know that, you can understand why there might be a piece or two of kitty litter on the bottom of the crate.

Yes, even though I vacuumed 98% of the kitty litter up out of my room, a small percentage remained--at least until my cousins' dog came to help me with it. While locked up, she was apparently so distraught she needed to binge eat cat litter... And, you might ask, "What is better than that?" Well, how about the fact it took us nearly 10 minutes to figure out what smelled so awful once we got home (and where that awful smell came from)

So glad I could share this with you!!!!! Have a great night!