Quote me, I'm brilliant!

I had to share this, just because I think it's pretty amazing.

"I protect my brain cells by NOT drinking; I wouldn't expect my aunt to understand the helmet thing either."

Backstory: My family is full of alcoholics. I've recently found out that one of my aunts continuously accuses me of being socially awkward because I refuse to hang out and get drunk with the rest of my family. This is also the same aunt who started the rumor that I was a lesbian, because I haven't dated much.

The latest gossip from said aunt is that wearing bicycle helmets when riding bikes "is stupid." When my mother tells her that it is the safe thing to do and that my sister and I wear our helmets, she replies, "I know, they look stupid."

So I repeat: "I protect my brain cells by NOT drinking; I wouldn't expect my aunt to understand the helmet thing either."

End rant.

My Pickle

This morning, it hit me.

I'm the girl with daddy issues.

I'm sure I thought it before, but every now and then it just hits me again.

I spent years not realizing it, and quite a few pretending "it's not so bad." But there it was, right before me this morning. I'm the girl with daddy issues, and there isn't a thing I can do about it.

I'm stuck, and it's really pissing me off.

I almost broke down this morning, but I held it together. Too much stuff going on in my own life to be bothered with all that family drama, but at the same time, stress tends increase thinking about it. Don't know why, but it does. Whenever I'm stressed, more stress comes to my mind. Whenever I'm happy, I tend to not think about unhappy things.

I'd say I'm typically an easy going kinda gal.

Well, like I said, this morning I almost lost it. When my sister came home this past weekend, we somehow wound up talking about our father. I sort of angrily, accidentally spilled the beans about his feelings. "If we don't care, he doesn't care" was basically the message I got from him.

If we don't want to have anything to do with him, fuck us.

Thanks Dad, love you too.

Well, I know that is just anger talking, and I've tried to work it out. I actually called him several weeks ago in an attempt to make communication. I was going for a job interview, and I decided to spend the day in the local Borders, hoping to brush up my study skills. Still, I felt obligated to call and talk to him and let him know WHY I wasn't seeing him that particular weekend after we'd had a fairly decent weekend together.

He never answered. Nor did he call back. Nor has he called me. So....

On one hand I feel like I should call and make more of an effort. On the other hand, I feel like calling just to tell him to go fuck off. I mean, seriously, if he doesn't give a shit enough to call me, why should I care?

I thought about calling him this morning, but with my birthday less than 9 days away, I refuse. Why call him so he can think I'm just fishing for presents.

The last thing I said to him was "My birthday is coming."

It sounds really selfish, but I assure you the conversation was nothing of the sort. He kept bugging me to take the iPad he'd gotten me for Christmas. "I got it for you." "I got it before the fight" "You should take it."

You would think any person in their right minds would take it, but I just cannot. It's a symbol of how sucky our relationship is. It's fake, and materialistic. The only time we ever see each other is on holidays--gift-giving and gift receiving holidays. How can anyone consider that a healthy relationship?

"Hi, Dad, thanks bye! See you at Christmas."

Is he fucking blind? He really thought we had a great relationship. How could anyone consider that a great relationship? I even said it to him, and I will never forget the look on his face as he registered it in his brain. "Things have not been good between us for a while."

I just want to call and scream at him, but I can't. Instead I just sit here and want to implode. I've had a headache all night just thinking about it. And work. I've got so much stress at work, and then I think, "He doesn't even know I Have a new job. He doesn't even care."

So why should I care? I should hate him. But I know what will happen. I will hate him, and then he'll die, and I'll be stuck hating myself for hating him. I'll be stuck regretting that I didn't try, and I'll be stuck feeling like shit.

So I can't fix this, and I can't ignore it. What the hell am I supposed to do?

Now the sister is pissed, and hurt. She didn't know the whole "Fuck off" I had gotten beforehand, and now that she's put two and two together, I don't know what she's thinking. I feel opted to send her the same message I sent her years ago, the "oh it's not so bad," but really it is. I mean, how should I fix things with them, if I cannot even fix things between us? And why should I? Why the fuck do I have to be the person to fix everything?

Then the logic sets in.

Alcoholic. Alcoholic. Alcoholic. Alcoholic.

They don't care about anyone. Not even themselves. They just want their drug. Just like junkies.

He doesn't have a single caring bone in his body. He is so filled with denial that he just doesn't get it.

But why do I have to suffer?

I hope he doesn't call me on my birthday and pretend everything is fine and dandy.

I will lose it.

I feel so tempted to just bitch him out on facebook. Let the world see him for the cowardly loser he is. Then I think, don't be such a freak. That's what drama queen teenage girls do with their stupid mental break-downs over idiots. It won't do any good, and it will just make you look crazy.

But, Grr. Just grr.

I wish I knew what to do. Why won't this just disappear from my mind? I have so many better things to waste my energy on.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

My one goal for this summer has been to complete the story I'm writing--or, rather, the story I've been writing for the past 4 years.

Granted, 4 years is a long time for a story, but it's not like I spent the past 2,103,795 minutes of my life actually writing. No, subtract the time I've spent working, and sleeping, and the weeks I've gone through dry spells. I would estimate that I've actually spent less than a few weeks actually writing.

But chapter by chapter, I continued to plug away at it, and with 3 days left of vacation, I am literally only a chapter or two away from closing the first story! I just have to figure out if I want to squeeze the ending into one chapter or spread it out over two. I'll probably post two, but I don't see it taking more than that!

I cannot wait to spend the next 4 years of my life writing the second story!! ha =)

My really bad mood.

Ironically, I am in another really bad mood.

I guess it is just stress, because this is my last week of vacation, and I am feeling slightly stressed about going back to work. I'm feeling disappointed that I will not have my own classroom for a third consecutive year since my graduation. I'm feeling stressed about the whole dating thing. The dad thing. Everything. I'm just feeling stressed about everything today.

I promise one day to come back and write happy notes about how great life is, but for the time being I apparently just like to bitch about stuff. So, here it is. My latest rant:

My sister's birthday present has arrived. A brand new laptop. Congratulations. I've worked my ass off so that I could buy myself 2 laptops, and here she is getting a second one.

Backstory. When I was 16 I got a laptop for my birthday. It wasn't the greatest laptop, but it was my very own, refurbished, laptop. It had its flaws, but I absolutely loved it. It was better than getting a cell phone--it was the best present ever.

When I started college, I worked at the computer department as a work study. Now, I was not the average work study, because I actually worked. The department head would always praise my hard work and dedication--and loved me because I would actually do work for them--and not just sit down and read books all day. Yay me! The hard worker!

I saved up enough money so that I could buy my own, brand new, laptop. It was the greatest computer ever, and I would still be using it today if it did not burn in a house fire. Yeah, my favorite laptop is melted into the ground.

Well, after the fire, my sister and I both got new laptops to replace our old ones. The one I got was not the greatest machine ever; it was actually a huge pain in the ass. So when it broke this year, I was quite excited because it meant I could buy myself a new one. And I did. Well, I actually wound up buying myself two new ones, because the first new one I bought was broken and had to be returned. This second one is working better, still has its quirks, but I am thinking I might keep it.

Well, I didn't have the money to buy this new laptop, but I put it on my credit card figuring I'd be back to work this month and would be able to pay it off shortly. That is all fine and dandy. I have a job, and I work for the nice things that I want in my life. Unlike my sister.

Not a week after I buy my new laptop, Mom starts talking about how she wants to buy a new one for my sister. Well, isn't that just dandy. I'm one part frustrated as hell, and one part jealous. Jealous because, um, I would have liked someone to buy me a new laptop, but I'm mostly frustrated because here we are in debt, and talking about perhaps selling our house because of said debt, and you want to go out and buy her a new fucking laptop? Thanks for that. Really.

Not for nothing, but you made this kid promise you she would get a summer job, and she didn't even try. She made ONE lame-ass attempt to get a job after the summer was already over. You bitched about how she didn't work all summer, and how she doesn't help out at all, and yet you want to go and buy her a laptop??

Is it just me, or does this seem like the most idiotic enabler's plan ever????

First off, she doesn't need a laptop. Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to go through college without a laptop. Yes, it makes it easier, but there are other options. (IE, School library, or repairing broken laptop, which I've suggested can be done by actually bringing broken laptop to my friends to fix in exchange for food.) Use of other people's computers typically adds to the frustration of computerless college students, which then motivates said college students to get off their asses and get jobs to pay for new laptops.

I'm sorry, but when I needed a new laptop for school, I paid for it myself. We didn't have the money to go buy me a new laptop when I needed it, and here we are--in worse of a financial situation--actually talking about perhaps selling our house--and Mom goes out and buys her a new laptop??

I mean, that makes sense to me. I told her again and again, but she doesn't care. And she didn't care. She kept asking me, "Which one do you like better?" and I would kindly plead the 5th.

Seriously? Mom wants her to grow up and wonders why she is so lazy, yet everything my sister needs is handed to her on a silver platter. And they wonder why I'm in a bad mood. Maybe because no one listens to me?

What really set me off today, though? This completely insane happy bitch on the coworkers page. I won't speak much about it, because I don't want this to be traced back to my own identity, but outside of work I am a consultant for a certain company. And there is this one consultant who thinks her shit doesn't stink if you know what I mean. If I ever wanted to smack someone upside the face, it is this woman. The frigging Richard Simmons of the company if you know what I mean. Always posting her inspirational, "You can do it; my life is awesome yours can be too" shit that makes me want to reach through the computer and strangle her.

First off, she is always the first to reply to messages posted on our coworkers page--unless I post them. For some unknown reason, my messages often go unanswered or ignored. Which is frustrating. Whenever someone posts something positive, she comments. Whenever I post something positive, its ignored. Whenever I say "I'm frustrated with this... any advice" she tells me not to be so negative--like she doesn't have a emotional bone in her frigging body.

Is she so detatched from reality that she doesn't get frustrated by people? Oh wait, she's plastered her face all over the internet like some freak, so she has 30+ recruits she is profiting from. If I had that many, I'd be happy too, but I wouldn't rub it in to other people's faces, because guess what? People aren't all vain like you, and people aren't all as lucky as you.

She apparently thinks she is SO GREAT she is now posting her own personal videos in our coworkers page. So she's too good to write messages to us now?? You have to get your face all plastered into our personal group? NEWSFLASH! NOBODY WANTS TO SEE YOUR FACE! Who cares!

God I am in a bad mood.

Why are parents so incredibly frustrating?

Could someone explain that to me?

Mom and I just had a fight over the dumbest thing, but she just gets to me sometimes, and I lose it. Like, tonight. She has a bean bag that needs a cover. One of her friends left it behind when she moved out of another friend's house, which is great, I've always wanted to buy a bean bag, now I get to save money. But out of the blue she tells me to buy a cover or she is throwing it out.

Uhm, hi, but my budget doesn't exactly work like that.

Not when I'm about to be paycheck-less because I work in a school and do not get paid throughout the summer. And, not for nothing, but we already had this conservation two days ago when she told me to buy it the first time, and I told her I would buy it when I went back to work.

"What's five bucks?" She says, like it is nothing. Five bucks is nothing when you have a job or some reliable form of income. In a few months I will have neither of those things, so excuse me for wanting to save the money that I do have for things that are a little more important than stupid bean bag chairs.

Now the sis is mad because we fought, and mom is being pissy with me because the sis is mad. Gotta love being home.

Bleh

I feel Bleh.

I can't explain it, I just feel Bleh. No motivation, no ambition, just bleh. I think I am feeling overwhelmed.

Got out today, went for Chinese. Met an old friend, and had a lot of fun talking. Met a new Scentsy customer, which was great. Now I'm just sitting here again feeling bleh. I want to write, but I can't force myself to get up and go do it. Instead I sit here... Thinking about planning. I should do planning, but I don't want to. I should also clean my room, or pick up the kitchen, but I don't want to do that either... Just want to sit. How depressing.

How bleh.

What's with me?

Last night I went to bed at 9. I feel like I should just go to bed now; why not? I'm not doing anything anyway. Then tomorrow I will wake up and do nothing again. I'll think about all the stuff I want to do, and I won't do it because I will be too busy feeling bad about all the things I SHOULD be doing.... but I won't do those either. I need to find a way out of this slump.

I hate feeling Bleh.

Well that just put me in a bad mood.

(Note: This rant obviously excludes the relatives: LapNoodles & Homemakerman)

It has been on my nerves for a while now--the fact that my family is pretty unsupportive as far as my new business goes. They complain about how much I advertise. And while my neighbors will literally pinch their pennies (just ask my bank teller) to help me make a sale, do they offer to at least look at a catalog? No. I cannot even GIVE them free stuff.

But, whatever, you don't want to spend your money. Fine. I am ok with that. I just expect you would have the common courtesy to tell your friends to me promote. Is that really asking too much?

Tonight was the last straw, though. A complete slap in the face! My Aunt called to tell me that her friend signed up to sell. Great. Thanks a lot! Two minutes later, I log in to find the other consultant in MY TOWN, the one I took under my wing so to speak was the recruiter.

Maybe I am over reacting, but another person to my team would have been nice. My 3rd recruit would have lined me up to a better promotion. And you would THINK that since EVERYONE I am related to knows this particular person, it MIGHT JUST ONCE have come up in conversation that I sell too. But, nope. My family just sucks.

Thanks guys! Really appreciate all your help!

An Awkward Conversation

So, how did this happen & what do I do?

My new years resolution was to expand my social life and maybe find a guy, but now it appears I may have two. Does this mean there is a love triangle forming above my head? I sure hope not. I don't care for the drama.

As you know, I met cheesepuff guy a few weeks ago, and met him again Friday. I think things are going well, despite my lack of experience in the dating field. But out of no where, Camera Guy sends me a message on facebook today.

Now, I have not yet mentioned Camera Guy, because I did not feel he was worth mentioning. That sounded sort of harsh, so let me clarify. Camera guy is a guy I still haven't figured out. I am not sure if I am attracted to him, because the few pictures he has online seem sort of goofy. But he went to the same college I did (which made me feel safe enough to add him on facebook) and he is a real good photographer (hence the nickname camera guy). Still, camera guy never asked me out or showed any interest so I always assumed he was just a friend. Until, of course, last night when out of no where he sent me a message. "hi".

I was not paying attention, because I was writing my story, but when I did notice, I replied "hey" and I sort of got the feeling this awkward feeling that the out-of-the-blue message was regarding an earlier facebook post about the date I had been on with cheesepuff guy.

Well, he did not respond until today. We casually talked about my Scentsy business for a while because I had the sneaking suspicion he was maybe curious about the date, but I wasn't going to bring it up. Then he asked, "Well any big plans for V-day?"

I said I didn't know, because I don't. And he asked about Cheesepuff guy and the date. I said that he hadn't mentioned it yet, but it was sort of an awkward time to start seeing somebody because we had only been on two dates and boom! Valentines Day PLUS his birthday.

Well, Camera guy then informed me that if Cheesepuff guy did not do anything on Valentines Day he was a loser, and probably gay. (Although reading that also sounds a bit harsh, so I will note it wasn't said in a mean or vindictive way; just a joke) I couldn't help but laugh, as honestly the seemingly too-good-to-be-true cheesepuff guy may have had a smile that threw me off.

So now I am completely confused. A fish out of water. I am confused about so many things, and I know I have to take things one step at a time, but for someone who is learning how to walk in this crazy, dating world, I could sure use some advice!

Do I get a birthday present for Cheesepuff guy? I was thinking a Ninja Turtle card, as he has mentioned them before, and maybe some Jelly Beans. Do I consider Camera Guy a second player in this game? Do I tell Cheesepuff guy about Camera guy? Should I be disappointed if I don't get a Valentine? Oye. I am ready to crawl back up to my cat-lady mountain and give up!

Drugs Bug Me

We had an interesting visit last night, from a drug addict?

I put the question mark there as to hopefully not wrongfully incriminate an innocent person, but I'm pretty sure he is a drug addict. It's just such a harsh term to throw around, I wish I knew for sure. But I'm pretty sure, otherwise I wouldn't be posting this here and now.

Anyway, if he was not "high" he was probably under the influence of something, because I don't know too many people who would show up at your house, irate, about something that happened ?days? ago, especially when his own idiocy is to blame?

Here's the scoop.

Our neighbors hired Drug Addict 1 to shovel off their roof. Drug addict (in question, anyway) never showed up to do the job he was hired to do, so our neighbors hired a second drug addict to do the job the first failed to do.

Are you with me so far?

Well, before Drug addict 2 could get to the job, drug addict 1 had already started the job. But Drug Addict 2 had already been PAID for the job, so when my mom saw Drug Addict 1 shoveling, she informed him that he was not going to get paid, as DA 2 had already been paid.

Well that was fine, until 9 O'clock at night when DA1 showed up all upset about not getting paid.

Now, not helping the situation is the fact that the original "supervisor" of the neighbors roof is also under the influence of something, and has a hard time getting stories straight to begin with. So what happens when all this goes down?

My mom calls and screams at the neighbor, who is listening to regurgitated stories from a drug addict and delusional individual, and I spend all night sleeping with one eye open, just in case the pissed off drug addict decides to come slash my tires or something.

What a fun world I live in!

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I just had to get that out there because I feel like screaming.

Have you ever talked to someone who just irritates the hell out of you? You may feel as though they take random stances because they know it will set you off? I have this one Uncle who always gets into it with me on online "debates." But his definition of "debate" means ignoring your side and just telling you what he feels, all the while trying to be humorous by throwing out lame, and insulting jokes.

Imagine arguing with a textbook.

"Is it going to snow today?"
"On this day in the 15 hundreds it snowed."
"Yeah, but is it going to snow today?"
"Snow is white and cold form of precipitation that falls from clouds in the form of ice crystals"

Excuse me while I go and spontaneously explode out of sheer frustration.

A Crazy Awesome Day

Last night I didn't get much sleep. All I remember is having an odd nightmare about the DOP. Not sure of the DOP is an actual governmental organization, or anything, but it my dream it was sort of like the DOD, but instead of defense it was protection. Anyway, I dream that I am sleeping in my old house in Everett, and this old black guy knocks at my door. I half hear the conversation he has with my mother, but regardless of the dire urgency there is to get us out of the house, I continue sleeping.

"You need to evacuate right away!" he says, "There is a problem with the water."

I think I actually got up and looked at my cell phone at this point, because I consciously remember reading "3AM" on my LG chocolate. About an hour later, the man appeared again and said, "YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE NOW!!"

It had been exactly one hour on my clock, so either I woke up at 4AM or dreamed that I looked at my clock and it said 4AM.

As if this was not a weird enough dream, I apparently had another which I do not seem to recall at all. The only reason I know I had it was because my mother informed me I disrupted her sleep screaming, "RACHEL* IS THE KILLER!! RACHEL HAS THE KILLER'S FACE!!!!!!!!!!!"

*Rachel is a pseudonym for my stepmother's name. Apparently I convicted her of murder last night.

Well, by the time my alarm clock went off, I was dreading the day ahead. The ride in to work was rough, with all the snow we had just had from our latest snowday. If that isn't a horrible enough way to start a new day, then how about this one. I put my coffee on the roof so I could reach in and get my bag, and what does the coffee decide to do? Well, it sat perfectly on the roof until I stuck my head in the car to get my things. Probably a half a minute AFTER I placed it on the roof, it comes spilling down on my jacket! My newly washed, white jacket.

After work, I also had (what I consider anyway) my first real date. There has been some controversy about that. I suppose prom does count, even though I spent half the night trying to avoid the guy I went with. But anyway, Cheesepuff guy invited me out to a Thai food place around the block from where I work. So, of course, I'm trying to kill some time, and I head to the copier to make some copies. (I am currently looking for a fish sitter for our class fish. If anyone is interested, please call 555-2893 {please note, that is a fake number so please don't actually call it.})

But, seriously, I don't want to bring the Beta home over vacation, as I live so far away, so I was making copies of a letter home to see who would be interested in watching the fish over vacation. Murphy's law says that BOTH photocopiers are broken. So I try to fix one. I get the paper out, but can't find the switch it is telling me to fix. I look at my coworker who is struggling with the same issue on her end. I showed her what I did to get the paper out of mine, remove her jammed paper, and the same error message pops up.

"You're on your own from here, I can't find that little thing." I tell her; Most of the parts are labeled A, B, C1, but this was just a little tab they wanted us to switch. She found it quickly, which made me feel quite dumb. Still didn't fix the issue, though. We kept working at it until my pants were covered in toner, or ink or something, and I sit back and think, "I have to go on a date. I am covered in coffee and ink. Who the hell cares?"

On my date, I was quite honest. I even told Cheesepuff guy, "The last time I tried to impress a guy, I wound up in the ER." (Please see, The Snake Snack for more information) All and all, I think the date went well. We talked for about 3 hours!! It only ended when I looked out the window and said, "I should get going." Then we talked a bit longer until I said it again.

I just hope I didn't talk too much. I can do that, sometimes.

Apparently I'm a bitch.

I'm sort of confused.

Imagine a big, fancy vase on the edge of the table. This isn't just any vase. It is one-of-a-kind, and priceless. You jump, and see it wobble. You continue to jump, regardless of the fact you KNOW something bad could happen and the vase falls and shatters to pieces.

Mom walks in, and _______________________.

Can you fill in the blank?

Apparently, I'm a bitch. My blank does not include, "going easy on the kid who makes a stupid choice." My blank includes accountability, and responsibility. The "kid" should have known better and taken steps to insure the vase would not get broken.

I should probably fill in a little more details. The "kid" is not really a kid, but a 50+ year old man with a drinking problem. The vase is more or less his relationship with his children, and the thought of jumping is actually the act of really pissing me off. More specifically, having a major pissing contest with yours truly, the designated driver. So now the question is, what do I do?

I talked to a cousin last night who basically told me I was being too hard on him. I suppose I'm slightly offended. If the kid knows there is a chance jumping will break the vase, and still the kid continues to jump, are we really supposed to look the other way and make excuses for this kid? Or do we hold him accountable? What is the lesson learned from looking the other way? Am I supposed to just let things slide? Until every vase I own is smashed to pieces? Is it my job to be more careful with my glassware? When this kid refuses to stop jumping, do I just ban him from my house?

I guess I haven't thought much about it until now. Not sure why it's stuck in my head now. I guess I've just been too busy with life to figure it out. That and the fact I had a nice, hour-long conversation with one of my aunts about just how much my family sucks. It's stirred up a lot of thoughts I'd rather suppress.

I actually started thinking ahead. I can't have a phone conversation with him. Tried and he just pissed me off. Started blaming everyone else for the choices he made. That is a peeve of mine. Thought to the best advice I've had so far, and that is simply to avoid him when he is drinking. Then I started to wonder, when exactly will that be? First thing in the morning? I don't wake up early. In fact, I don't feel like doing much of anything until late afternoon. Maybe we could have lunch, but I can't see that happening. He would just have another macho pissing contest. I would say, "I won't go out with you if you drink," and he might agree, but what if he decides he has the "right to drink" as he has told me time and time again it is his life and he can do what he wants with it? Then what? I never go to lunch with him again?

I tried picturing what talking to him would be like, this summer. We're together in the kitchen, and I can't even think of what to say to him. I just don't know what to do. I just want to stop thinking about it.




















You make a stupid choice, and

Today was PJ Day at work.

I figured it was a school-wide thing, but when I got out of the parking lot and saw several of the other teachers in their normal attire, I started feeling out of place. There was me, in my froggy PJs and bathrobe... Yup. The lazy, new girl who didn't feel like getting dressed.

Most of the people stared at me; a few told me they were jealous; and a few others just asked, "PJ Day?"

"Yup."

I will admit, it was very hard to sit at the breakfast table and look down at my Pajamas. I kept telling myself, "YOU NEED TO GET DRESSED!! Oh wait.... IT IS TIME TO GO!!! YOU ARE STILL NOT DRESSED.... Oh Yeah.."

If that wasn't hard enough, imagine my reaction when my boss came in and told me I needed to go to a PBIS training.. My eyes grew wide and I looked down at my outfit. Seriously, you know those bad dreams where you find yourself naked in school?? It was just like that. My boss came in and told me I had to go to a meeting, and so I took off in my Princess Sorority PJs.

So, off I walked into the wrong meeting, and sat in my PJs until I was told to go to the smaller conference room. Fortunately 3/4 of the others in the room were also in the wrong conference room, so I was able to get all the awkward stares and questions (and jokes) out of the way before moving to the right room.

Yup. So that was my fun day!!!

What else? I almost ripped the steering wheel off my car on the way in this morning. Yup. I was just imagining it was the radio announcer's head. Was listening to the moron praise Charlie Sheen's pathetic life. Like, literally, this is what he said on the radio this morning.

><><><

"You'd never guess what Charlie Sheen's done now! It is so amazing! Every guy in the world is going to be jealous! He is like a god, or something. So what did he do? He had a brief case of cocaine. Yup! A briefcase! Full of cocaine!! He knows how to party!! And that isn't all! He was watching porn. With Porn Stars. How amazing is that??"

Uh, yeah, that womanizing bastard is a drug addict and should be thrown in jail. Anyone else would be in jail, but why not him? And why is that soo amazing and sooo desirable? ME+HEARING THAT+SOMETHING IN MY HANDS= DECAPITATED RADIO ANNOUNCER.

><><><><

..What else? I know there was something else... Hm.

Oh yeah. Cat fight in work.

This has been going on for quite some time, and it is starting to get on my nerves. There are these two people who get along like oil and water. Fortunately for me, they are the two people I work closest with, so, yeah, big ball of fun. I just want to go in and do my job, not have to pick sides and play counselor. But every day they come to me and complain about the other. I just listen, nod, and shrug. I've got it down to a science, and I try to stay as neutral as I can, but today I was really annoyed.

One of them actually said to me, "Sorry to put you in the middle. I know you like ___. I just really was bothered." And I listened, nodded, and shrugged. I was actually surprised when A went to talk to B about her feelings and B shut down and stuck to her guns, which pissed A off, and I was just like... Why didn't I just go straight home???

Uggh. I was so tempted to give them a pair of gloves and have them duke it out, just so they could be done with it. But then if I had said, I'm sick of you both putting me in the middle of your crap, I would have upset them both. A would be mad that B talks about her, and vice versa. And then they'd be mad at me for betraying their confidences, and madder at each other for knowing they'd been talked about. Whatever. People clash. At the end of the day, what matters is the kids. GRR!!!!

><><><

Final laugh? Well, I wore my PJs today and got pulled into a last minute training with the state REP for PBIS as well as some other people I had never seen before. Fun, fun. But the topping on the cake was when I realized I had to go shopping for my Scentsy party tomorrow. Oh boy. Me. Pjs. Walmart. Never a dull moment!

Ok, So Is It Me Just Being Me?

Really, I need to know. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but what if I'm not?

As you all know, my dating life is pathetic. And I am apparently intolerable as far as internet dating goes. Though, in all fairness, I'm not entirely to blame for my lack of dates. For instance, take Soysauce guy. Really cute, really funny, real potential. Until I look him up on facebook. Status: in a relationship.

Hmm, just call me home wrecker. Or did I miss a memo? Is that the new thing these days? You can officially break up with your girlfriend once you've secured a new one? Or maybe he thought he was cool enough to keep us both in the dark. Uh, not in this day and age buddy.

Then there is Creep-o. I felt bad for him, up until he admitted to me that he hated his parents so much he'd kill them if he ever saw them again..... Yeah, conversation ender there!

Then there is the guy who drives me crazy. Every time I sign on, he starts talking to me, but he doesn't say much. In addition, he likes to argue. So if I told him, "I had yesterday off because it was a workshop day." He would sit and argue with me about it. Forgive me, but I think I know a thing or two about MY LIFE.

Then there was this last guy, who had a lot of potential. I really liked him, and was just waiting for him to ask me out. Never did. We were swapping horror stories about our lives and he tells me, "My girlfriend jumped off a building to get back at me. It was pretty messed up, so I have trust issues."

Ok.....

Well, I said "I wouldn't blame yourself because anyone who does that to themselves to hurt someone else is clearly unstable and needs help. " Apparently, something about that was wrong because he never wrote me back afterwards. I don't get it.

So that ship has sailed, and out of nowhere this other kid e-mails me. I will call him Cheese Puff. (Story to follow). I sort of like Cheese Puff. We have a lot in common. In fact, we have so much in common, I've asked him twice if he is plagiarizing my profile. Doesn't drink, sort of shy, on track with his life, wants to have kids before he's old. We both like the Red Sox. I say I like Orlando Cabrera, he likes Orlando Cabrera. I say I loved Kevin Millar, he loves him too. It's like I'm talking to a mirror. So creepy.

Everything I like, he likes too. It's like he is my twin. My opposite-sexed twin. Is this humanly possible? He's afraid he is too boring for me because he likes to hang around and play board games..... ..... (More ellipses for effect)... I AM BORING AND LIKE BOARD GAMES!! Except, it isn't boring when I'm hanging with the right people.

This guy would be almost extremely perfect, except for the fact that I feel like he is fake. The conversations are so real it is pretty awesome, but every now and then he says something that strikes me as fake. Like he keeps telling me I'm the coolest person he has talked to....it is almost like he is coaxing me up, and then today he writes:

"I'm guessing you would want to meet at a public place, so I was thinking maybe we could meet somewhere to eat and I'll get us some lunch or dinner. "

I am probably over reacting, but that sentence just stuck out. Like in a creepy way. Maybe he was just being nice, but maybe he is a serial killer. You never know. SOMEONE TALK SOME SENSE INTO ME!!!