Monday, March 29, 2010

Someone has stolen all the un-store-bought-cherries!!

I went shopping last night; it's my favorite past time.

Although, it was a whole lot more fun when I didn't need someone to do all my heavy-lifting for me. It sucks watching from the sidelines feeling completely useless. But, anyway, last night my sister and I went on a quest.

We had to get swiss cheese and cherries.

That's a winning combination right there, I tell ya. If you haven't had cherry-swiss you don't know what you're missing. I don't know what I'M missing because I've never had it either. In fact, I'm pretty sure NOBODY on earth knows what they are missing, because anyone who has tried it has probably died. I hope you all can tell I'm kidding by now, but I'm going to add this disclaimer anyway: Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any illness, sickness, or death that may result in anyone or anything's attempt to mix cherries and swiss cheese together. Eat at your own risk.

Ok, back on track: The cherries were actually for our ham. The swiss was for onion soup my mother made. The shopping was just for getting out of the house.

We went to Walmart, got our things, but could not find cherries! They had the lame, surefine brand of cherries that tasted awful. They were so bad last time we got them that I refused to put them on top of my ice cream sunday. Imagine, an ice cream sunday without a cherry on top--it's indecent!

Well, after we got all our things, I said "Let's go to Shaw's to get cherries." My sister put up a fuss and said we should just buy the surefine ones at walmart. I said, "No, you don't understand. Storebrand and surefine cherries suck. I want the real ones."

So I made her go over with me and we continued our quest for the cherries. We searched the store but only found Shaw-brand cherries. I rolled my eyes. "What are we going to do now?"

She didn't know, and I didn't know, so we debated for a minute. Then another minute. Then about an hour. Just kidding. But we eventually said, "The hell with it--Shaws cherries it is!"

I made my sister open them up on the ride home to taste them; She thought I was being a pain. An overly-anal, cherries-have-to-be-absolutely-perfect pain in the ass. But that pain in the ass was right. She had the cherry in her mouth for about 5 seconds before she started gagging on it. It was so disgusting that she had to use every ounce of her being just to swallow it. It was so bad that she wouldn't give me one to taste while I was driving. I had to pull over just to taste it--and she was right.

I can only describe the taste because I was unfortunate enough to have a pill start to dissolve on my tongue that very morning. It was the same taste, basically. Disgusting. Makes the other half of your tongue climb up your throat and your shoulders curl, disgusting.

So we stopped at a gas station. "Odd question, but do you have maraschino cherries?" That got the clerk to think.

"Yes, I actually think we do." She said bringing me to the back of the store. There she pointed to the bottom shelf, and there sat two kinds of cherries. White Swan and Mother's Maid. With everything I had been through, I didn't dare run the risk of picking the "wrong brand" so I bought both.

I made my sister try them, and they, for the record, were both delicious!

Thus, making the moral of the story: when it comes to cherries, don't skimp!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Crappy Idea? [Peeve of the day]

I was sitting in the bathroom stall when I got the idea for this post.


Why do they put toilet paper holders, especially the covered-wagon type, so low to the ground? I mean, if they were any lower, they would be on the ground and unsanitary. Is there a reason for putting them at toilet-level? Besides torment?

My biggest peeve at the moment is those damn covered type. I guess they look more like a hot air balloon than a covered wagon, but you see what I mean. (and if you don't see what I mean, look left and catch on, ok?)

Why am I annoyed by these? Well, as mentioned before, they are hung too low in the stalls, so you have to do the reverse-limbo just to get your toilet paper. And, to further complicate matters, most toilet seats have pee all over them, so rather than do this sitting, you have to hover. )

Let's not forget that this gets worse! If you're not fortunate enough to find some paper dangling when you enter, that means you have to suspend your bend and spin the wheel 1-1,000 times before you find the start of the roll. Might as well be a game-show, with prizes; at least it would be worth the trouble: "Find the Toilet Paper-- win a car!"

Seriously, though, finding the start of the toilet paper is sometimes more difficult than finding the start of scotch tape. What's with that? Static? Or just a cleverly devised mechanism called "messing with people."

Another thing I dislike about these stupid contraptions is that occasionally, the restroom-keep will cruelly stuff in a roll of toilet paper that is too large for the holder. Has that ever happened to you? They cram it in there, so tight, that you need two hands and some sort of a lever to spin it (not to mention you are hunched over as far as you can go just to gain access to the damn thing). I have literally dug through 10-20 layers of toilet paper just to get some. The bathroom attendant must love me.