Monday, August 31, 2009

Internet Dating Sucks.

So pathetic old me has been dreaming about finding a boyfriend for, what? 11+ years? But, seriously, who doesn't want to fall in love and live happily ever after. Right?

Well, here has been my luck with men: My heart was totally crushed in junior high school, when the cutest boy in school stopped me in the library and told me he didn't want anything to do with me. Ouch. Why not just scar me for life? Since then, I've had several crushes that have gone absolutely no where, either because I've been deemed "unapproachable" or just plain "unworthy." Needless to say, I've become a shy, self conscious, single woman.

Moved to a new state to go to college--tons of cute guys--all already in relationships. I see a hot guy in the movies and notice him holding hands with the guy beside him. Seriously, I'm sick of guessing at who is single, who is straight, who is sincerely interested. I gave up.

I have truly become a cynical person when it comes to dating; I'm angry with most of the male population, and I'm angry with myself for being so damn shy and untrusting. So, despite the fact I harassed my mother for trying a dating website, I found myself signing up for the same site.

So far, I've ironically found more fights than flirts on this. I've been deemed a racist, for not finding black men particularly attractive. I've been stalked by an old geezer, or two, who, for the record, could not spell to save their lives. The creeps sure know how to find me, and none of the "cute" guys find me attractive, or interesting enough to talk to--and the guys who ARE interested are upset because I refuse to give out my cell phone number, or send them more pictures of myself. So I give up!

Internet dating sucks, and I will proudly live out the rest of my days as a strong, single, woman... alone, on the top of a mountain, with my 7 cats.

The End.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Bye Bye Baby

My baby sister has gone off to college. We dropped her off today, and I'm not sure what to feel.

I'm happy, obviously, but sad too. That's an obvious one too, I guess, since we have always been so close... I'm going to miss her a lot, but at the same time I'm sort of jealous too. I actually feel sort of lame. Like my life is set to pause and her's is on the fast forward track.

Sure, I had the same opportunity. I could have gone to college and lived there. I could have made friends, and I could have taken part in campus activities and events, but I didn't. I was under the impression it was too much money. That, and I was too scared to be on my own. I even had the chance to live on campus, after the house fire. The college gave me a room for free, but I only stayed there twice a week for internship. I never stayed longer because I felt like I was abandoning my family in time of need. I was always homesick, not for a house, but for my family.

Today I woke up early, and used a cat leash to tie my sister (jokingly) to her bed. "It's ok, mom!" I hollered. "I tied her up and now she can't go anywhere!"

She woke up, and it was crazy. We had a few hours to finish packing, then went to dad's for birthday cake! Birthday cake at 11AM. Insane! We joked around with Bonnie, John, Pam, and Steve, Dad and Denise, and of course my Mom and sister. Ate cake, and then took a nauseating ride to USM.

We checked in at the dorm, and unpacked her things. well, I didn't do much of this, but I sure tried my best. We had yoohoo's and then toured the campus. I got a free notebook and about 50 USM stickers. I figure I can collage them for Alysia later.

We walked around, and found the library, theater, and places to eat. The library was closed; the theater was spooky (especially the top, where the lights are kept--heck yes, we snuck up there!) The food was good, too, I guess. Not SJC food, but pretty good. I had a "Husky Burger" and so did Dad and Denise. Except, my dad had a double Husky Burger, with two burgers, instead of one, for only a dollar more. That's my Dad. Always bargain hunting..

After that, we dropped Alysia off at her dorm and left. It was weird. Really weird. I came home and hooked the video camera up to the TV. (I'm retarted like that and like to watch something just as soon as I record it) The second I heard Alysia's voice on TV I thought she was upstairs. I almost called up to her, but caught myself. It was weird.

I hope I can do this.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Take it with a grain of salt

Being the wreck that I am, I have sort of shied away from the blogging industry.

While I love to complain, especially for humorous effect, I try hard not to be the "downer" that no one wants to hang around with. Even more so, I tend to be hyper-sensitive about other people's feelings, as well as my own. I have always been afraid to say the wrong thing, the wrong way, to the wrong person, at the wrong time... Imagine my horror at the idea making that one thought or opinion set in stone, on paper (or in this case, on screen) to the entire world's population.

In this crazy world we live in, the "wrong idea" can cost you everything. Your friends, your job, your life. Everything. Public image is everything, and I think we are all so concerned about our own that we are too quick to judge and jump. We live in the moment, and while that sounds good in theory (and on a fortune cookie) living in the moment can be just as harmful as it is good. It may make us hot-headed. Quick to forget the past. Blind us of our futures, and ultimately turn us into wrecks.

I'm not here to bash, slander, upset, or badmouth. I'm just here to vent. Laugh when I laugh, cry when I cry, bust most of all, forgive me when I'm angry and take what I write with a grain of salt. I'm only human after all.