My Haywire Muse

My muse is like a lightbulb, flickering in a storm. It's almost on, but not quite. It's usually somewhere between working, being useful, and dead. Which is better than dead, I guess, but still as annoying.

I really wish there was an easier way to write. I need complete focus to get anything done now-a-days, and that's annoying too. Even when I have the time to sit down and get some writing done, I can't focus or get comfortable. Then I'll waste hours of time trying to channel my creativity into a single sentence, or idea, until I just give up.

I have been writing this one story for over a year. Over two years, really. I started, probably, around March of 2007, months after my house burned down. Since I lost virtually everything I'd ever owned or created, I was forced to start from scratch--which is had to do when you're broke, homeless, and a basketcase. (Though I think I held myself together well).

TV became a necessity to escape the stress. We had a show a night, and my favorite was Supernatural. I've always been a sci-fi buff, from X-Files, to Buffy, to Charmed, and then some, but it took me quite a while to get into Supernatural. I figured it was another knock-off, and refused to watch it--even as my younger sister drooled over Jensen Ackles. All her friends obsessed about this show, and I was convinced they were brainwashed.

Regardless, once the house was gone, I had nothing to watch on Thursday nights, so I started to watch Supernatural. It didn't take long for me to become addicted to the plot, the genre, or the characters. (More specifically, a single character played by the adorable Jared Padalecki)

Since my sister and I were still in school, one of the first things we replaced were our computers. (Homework comes first, you know!) Around that time, my sister's friend, who I shall refer to as Kidney, got us hooked on a virtual chat game. (Instead of the regular, old, text chat, you could create a character for your conversations and live in a 3-d world. Pretty nifty). Jokingly, I created a "Dean Winchester" character for my sister, and she created a "Sam Winchester" character. The game quickly morphed into a RPG game, and we would spend hours goofing off.

We had a reoccurring theme that "Dean was an evil SOB and he'd beat up Mariah for no apparent reason" I'm not sure why this was fun, but it was. We'd earn credits and give Dean this "Evil look" with glowing red eyes and fanged teeth. Mariah's articles included bruised skin and bloodied bandages. (Wow this actually sounds depressing on paper).

Regardless, we had fun, until school started picking up. One night, no one was online to chat with, and I had nothing to do, so I started writing it all down in story-format. The plot sucked, so I had to add to it, then twist it, then change it all together. It eventually made a few good pages (in my humble opinion) so I added more and more until I got to where I am today. 52,005 Words on 177 typed (12font) pages.

In my head, I have an additional 8 stories mapped out, not to mention countless spin-off plots. 2 Years, 1 Obsession, and it all boils down to me sitting here with writers block.

I need a life.