Saturday, January 2, 2010

I blew it.

It's 2010, and I actually thought I would be able to escape 2009 without being sick again.

I was wrong.

It happened just after 6PM, December 31st 2009. Yes, that is right. Just hours away from the new year, and my throat begins to itch. Only one side, of course, as I have a very unique tonsil problem. (Here is one of my infamous, 2-page side notes: I usually have tonsillitis on my right tonsil. It's unheard of, I know, and I only know this because the first time it happened my doctor rushed me to an Ear Nose & Throat Specialist because he thought I had an abscess on said tonsil. Granted, it wasn't actually my doctor, it was an intern or something, but it's needless to say I was freaked out. I thought I was going to die.

It had been a Friday, and I was supposed to have gone down to see my cousins that weekend. Needless to say, after that 911 visit, I don't think we made it. It's generally a bad idea to go visiting small children when you are getting sick. But, I can't remember more than that--oh wait.

When we realized that I wasn't dying, because the nice Dr. Man who STILL refuses to take out my tonsils bluntly, head-shakingly, said, "It's just an infection. Why did you come here? Who sent you here? And what was his name again?" we went for Chinese food feeling pretty stupid. The only reason I remember this is because the nice, deceitful, and totally unbiased Asian man told us it was "the best Chinese food in Maine," and that his food was "way better than our favorite Chinese food restaurant."

Well, he was biased, and he was lying, and he was nice. So nice we said we'd come back, although we never did. And never will. The lesson, though a hard one, was learned: never trust a restaurant who has double-pained glass windows with bullet holes in them. It's pretty creepy, even if it was only a few holes and they were potentially BB gun holes.

Regardless, I learned that night that his food sucks, there IS only ONE good Chinese food restaurant in Maine, and that I will forever be stuck with my one, stupid, defective tonsil. Seriously, I've been back to that "best ENT specialist" and he won't take my tonsils. He won't even take one! I can't even bribe him to take them. It's depressing.

Sidenote officially over. Where was I again? Oh right. My boogers. I've debated all day on posting about boogers, because honestly the thought of reading a blog about boogers makes me sick. But this isn't about me, now, is it? No, really, the only thing that changed my mind was a recent encounter with my niece and nephew, and there is just something about wiping up baby boogers that makes boogers less intimidating. So, I say to myself, I can do this. I can write about boogers.


Oh yeah, and if you are grossed out, like me, by this particular issue, skip to my next post NOW.

Boogers. They are nasty, and disgusting. I think mucus should be banned from the nose all together. Even when you're not sick you get that crusty, dry-nose shit in your nose, and it hurts. And what do you do? You can't pick your nose, because THAT is gross. But you have to breathe in pain? It doesn't seem fair.

Here I am, though. Two days in to 2010, and I'm already on my 3rd box of tissues. I can't stop blowing my nose, because I like breathing, and I strongly dislike the thought of not being able to do it. Even though I blow, and blow, and can't get anything out, I try because I just want to breathe again.

Have you ever seen a little kid with a runny nose? I see them all the time, and do you know what little kids do with those runny noses? Despite the fact they can't breathe from them? They take a nice, big, snuff in and swallow all that crap. Then they can breathe for a while, until it comes back, then they do it all again until their parents tell them, repeatedly, to blow their noses.

I, personally, remember doing this. I remember this vividly every single time I see a kid do it. It makes me shudder, because I can remember the salty taste, and I actually remember doing it. I'm sure you did too, even if you won't admit it. But that is why kids do it (1) because it vaguely reminds them of potato chips, and (2) because they don't know better.

I've learned better. In fact, I actually consider myself an expert nose-blower. (Not that you'd guess that by my current box-count). For instance, when you blow your nose, lifting up a nostril will allow more air-access, and it is far easier to blow a stuffy nose in a steamy shower than it is to blow on a tissue. I also know of this potentially-little-known thing I call (in my head) the raisin booger; the raisin booger is the best kind of booger, because if you get one of these, you can usually breathe for about an hour.

I actually discovered the raisin booger in the shower a long time ago. I was blowing my nose, in pure frustration, probably for hours, and it popped out. It was huge, lumpy, greenish-tinged-purple booger. It was so gross, and so huge, that I remember freaking out because I thought I broke my nose.

My mom always told me that if I blew both nostrils at once, I'd break my nose. (Yes, I used to try blowing both nostrils at once--how else does one become a professional nose-blower if one doesn't try absolutely everything possible?) So, yeah, I'm not sure if anyone else has these raisin-boogers, but they are the only good thing about being sick--like I said, if you get a hunk of raisin booger, you can usually breathe for about an hour. The only thing I'm not sure about is whether or not it's good to completely remove a raisin booger from it's habitat. Seriously, if you get all the mucus out of your nose, is that good or bad? Lately, as in this cold, I've been feeling like there has been a hole drilled into my nose. Raw nerve. Headache/eye ache sort of stuff. Maybe that's just sinus pressure. Maybe I've had too much cough syrup. Maybe I should just go to bed.

I just hope I haven't blown it and screwed up my nose. Ha. Pun, totally, intended.

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