Not as Guilty as I Feel

Right now, my life is on pause.

I'm suspended in mid-air, after just being off a cliff.

I know that at any minute the phone could ring, and that would be the end of that pause. I would either fall down, hard, into a land of miserable agony, or miraculously be spared. That is a horrible analogy, though. Really, if I were to be spared, I'd only be carted off into foreign territory of brain damage and despair. What am I to hope for? They tell us things will never go back to the way they were; do I cling to hope they are wrong? Faith in God and in miracles? The belief she had a good life? The humanity of not wanting to see her hooked up to a ventilator?

I don't know. I just wish I knew what to think. What to say. How to feel.