Saturday, September 12, 2009

So Unloved.

So my sister doesn't miss me. And, truth be told, I'm not sure I've really missed her. So what's wrong with us? Why don't we care?

She's off having fun, and she's far too busy to even talk to us. She won't call us. She won't text us (except, of course, as a courtesy reply). She won't make plans with us. Heck, she is not even sure she wants to come home for Mom's upcoming birthday.

Me? Honestly? I'm so busy with work, and so used to not seeing her already, that it really doesn't make a difference that she's not here anymore. When she was home, she'd sleep all day, and I never saw her anyway. When I get home at the end of the day, all I want to do is crash and bury myself into the internet. I truly feel like an awful person for "not" missing her, and, of course, at times I really do miss her. I just don't think I'm as sad as I think I am? If that makes sense.

When her cat does something cute, or something happens that I'd know she'd find hilarious, I want to tell her right away. Then I remember she's gone, and the humor is gone. So that's sad. And on the weekends, I'm torn. I'd like to do something with her, but even when she was home, doing something with her was like pulling teeth. When I get ambitious, I want to go out, but I feel bad about leaving my mom. So it sucks.

But I'm not really sure if I miss her? But it hurts a lot that she doesn't miss me. We talked about it last night. "I'm really having a good time," she says, "So I haven't thought about it."

Funny. Just as I was writing this, I got a call from my sister. Apparently she wasn't answering her phone because she was in the shower. Apparently she DOES want to see us (or just wants to hitch a ride down to the mall--she did say she wanted to buy new jeans).

More about the mall trip later to come.

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